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Sweetlife-Val
WGA Board Member
WGA Board Member



Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Posts: 60

PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:37 am Reply with quote Back to top

I love the Yooper Jokes Bart, keep em coming eh?
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:10 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Two Blondes With Hammers... Laughing

Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lynn was nailing down house siding,
would reach into her nail
pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, '
Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
about half of them have the head on the wrong end
& I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset & yelled,
'You moron! Those nails aren't defective!
They're for the other side of the house!'
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:12 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Did you hear about the two blondes
who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' Laughing
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 12:57 pm Reply with quote Back to top

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these implants.....I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
trigger. Shocked
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 6:36 am Reply with quote Back to top

A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad
hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the
tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started
blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
harder, & still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.' Confused
 
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amita17
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-11-02
Posts: 693
Location: Menasha, WI

PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:14 pm Reply with quote Back to top

With so many blonde jokes recently, I thought fellow redheads need some representation.

What do you call a redhead with attitude?
Normal.

Why do so many guys date blondes?
All the redheads are taken.

Redheads do not use spell check. If they misspell a word, Oxford simply changes it.

Redheads don't play hide-and-seek. They play "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

The only time a redhead was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.

Death once had a near-redhead experience.

How many redheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

_________________
\"Seeking teaches us things finding never can. Seeking makes the finding all the sweeter.\" Philip Gulley 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:40 am Reply with quote Back to top

This ones for you, Deb Very Happy


A redhead was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the redhead, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The redhead replied......'Two popsicles and some coffee.' Rolling Eyes
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:07 am Reply with quote Back to top

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Laughing Laughing Laughing
 
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Todd300




Joined: 2009-06-05
Posts: 2564
Location: Menominee, MI

PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:00 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Well, the two sisters could have had the same father but different mothers, Rod LOL
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:08 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there was a simple informal test the husband could perform to get a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He said to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asked, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response.

So the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeated, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' Still no response.

Next he movesd into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his wife and asked, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he got no response.

So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there was no response.

So he walked right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

'Dammit, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
Laughing Laughing Laughing
 
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Todd300




Joined: 2009-06-05
Posts: 2564
Location: Menominee, MI

PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 5:22 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Image
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:13 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, You have passed all the tests, except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'You must make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Shocked

Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him. Laughing
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 7:11 am Reply with quote Back to top

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1106
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 3:02 pm Reply with quote Back to top

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!"

"We missed the R!"

"We missed the R!"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was...

CELEBRATE!" Shocked
 
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Todd300




Joined: 2009-06-05
Posts: 2564
Location: Menominee, MI

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 7:16 pm Reply with quote Back to top

What do you get when you cross a GPS unit and a woman with PMS?

A b*tch who will find you Smile
 
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